in bed
awake
phone under the pillow
reach hand under nd make a waving motion until solid is felt
the screen lights up
the stupid camera app
"We miss you"
eyelids jointed, groan.
my day 2 day life is vry uneventful nd simple, after i graduated college i spent my time working on urgencies, mostly dealing with scizhophrenia nd focusing on my music degree (quite easy). i live off my parents mostly although ive tried getting a job through programs i had been redirected 2 by my doctor i rly dont wanna work, i do pretty much al the chores at home nd thats enough it seems, especially since my dad has been increasingly well off throghout the past ~decade. i jst get 2 live the neet lifestyle nd its nice enough, my mood doesnt swing as hard nd i just dont have enough on my plate 2 overwhelm me when im at the lower points. ive also been practising religion much more seriously evr since nd thats nice. sometimes i paint things 4 my parents in special ocassions but my art degree has mostly gone unused otherwise, ,, oh nd the anime girsl yea... i do miss having friends nd a boyfriend sometimes, or just generally talking 2 people, but the hermit lifestyle fits me well enough. im sad that i will die such a boring life, but its bettr this way.
a bag of trash from last night makes a loud thud
i think my favourite part is waking up early 2 all the busy people with busy lives doing busy walks, they almost seem stupid, why wld u live a life like that? there r plenty of hosts in the sea 4 little lovely parasites.
the jingle of keys turn into a sharp zipping sound as one of them enters the keyhole
fuck, the kitty keychain has even less decorations attached 2 it 2day...
the pocket in a pair of black sweatpants buzzes
oh, already nine?
the sun shines pretty brightly here, i do like it quite a lot
the loud fans in reimu gets a response from me, its like the day actually starts every time i psh the power button. They used 2 b even louder but ive made some modifications over time, she holds pretty well 4 being a 2018 computer though.
i like having a bowl of cereal while watching my favourite horror lets player at this time of day, but hes on vacation these days so theres no new videos... i jst watch an old jerma vod instead. when i empty the bowl i don rly have anything 2 do with my hands so i eventually took a liking 2 felping after having breakfast. as a hermit ive had 2 start looking 4 manual hobbies like these nd i have quite some fun doing it, yesterday i started some kind of dog with swirly eyes so i just focus on finishing that while ocasionally chuckling 2 jerma pretending hes an orc wearing a business suit.
the plastic case vibrates nd makes an angry noise against the wooden table.
oh, i have 2 make dinner...
i stay sitted nd continue felting five more minutes since the dog is almost done, it feels 2 wrong 2 just leave its form misshapen.
2day i think my parents wld rly like shepherd fries with feta cheese omelettes...
i love cooking, but in particular frying stuff with a bucnh of oil makes me feel stuffy, the noise from the kitchen bell is quite deafening but earbuds wrok pretty well.
i salt the three plates nd pepper my dads nd leave them 2 cool down a little while changing my cats water nd refilling his bowl, he sleeps a ton but always gets up when its abt food. i then hear the front door open nd the rustling of plastic bags.
i say hi 2 my dad nd he says hi, i tell him he shld leave the groceries 2 me he says im way 2 airheaded 2 do propper groceries.
i just leave the bags in the main hall nd go wake my mom up b4 the food goes cold.
visual novels r pretty much my lifeforce, reading them is my sanctuary nd my way of life, i get 2 reading right after im done with the laundry. the clicking between each dialogue is the rythm of my life.
ah, another h-scene...
...
...
bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt '^'
?
it cant have been three hours yet. i check with the clock nd she tells me its 18:49, i say thanks 2 the clock nd fall back into confusion.
they rly must b desperate.
i grab the phone nd look at the notification
its an sms by a new number, this time with +20 prefix. "We miss you". thats a new one...
i press nd hold the message from the menu nd block the number. they jst dont know when 2 give up.
i dont have a buzzing 2 dictate when i get 2 making dinner, so i tend 2 check with the clock frequently during my afternoons.
ahhhh, 20:14 already... ill just save nd continue 2morrow morning.
chop chop chop, i rly like garlic in soup... or a stir-fry... or anything i love garlifc.
an onion makes a plop sound as it sinks into the boiling pot, kind of like a sizeable piece of shit, i rly dont like boiled onions so i put them in soups whole so i can take them out easily...
2wards the end of making tomato soup i make the noodles by squeezing out an egg nd flour paste through a piping bag slowly while stirring gently.
i set three ceramic bowls down in the sink nd fill it with cold tap water until it kind of covers some of the bowls' height.
by 22:00 i have even brushed my teeth, ready 4 my bed nd wandering off into dreams. i used 2 have batshit crazy fcking dreams nd sleeping at night was always a scary experience... but evr since i got on meds sleeping is like trotting flat terrain. :).
i go on my phone 2 put on a puppet video on since they help me fall asleep much faster.
21:00 \ +44 #### ########: "We miss you"
press, hold, block...
these msgs always ruin the mood 4 me
yrs ago i gave out my heart 2 several people, nd i regret it. its not bcaus i ended up disliking them or anything, i just regret it highly. when i found friends i was rly unexperienced, nd didnt realise making ur body ur temple was part of the contract.
4 some reason harming myself wld also mean harming everyone around me. it feels like playing god with others lives nd it turned me crazy, i had nothign 2 take out the black tar out on, nd it made me overflow with black tar nd it took ovr my nervous system nd killed my hemoglobin nd i almost died. so i became a hermit, it helped me practise religion nd ive been cleansing my system 4 the past five years.
its not complete, yet. even this much time later i still hurt other people, ive parasitically installed myself into their organs nd gripped tightly gripped tightly with my scythes of death. theyre faceless 2 me at this point as gods light helped me 4get, nd i pray they can 2, someday.
oh, my prayer...
i rly am an airhead
(*)